always.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

TERRIBLE DAY.

felt so terrible today.
i havent experienced this feeling for a relatively long time. or rather, i had never felt like this before in my entire life. this burning surge in me to escape from all my problems, to put a stop to everything.

seriously, what i wanted to do today was totally crazy. i actually wanted to skip tuition classes. yes, i wanted to pon lessons. well maybe to you, it doesn't seem like a great deal. yeah, pon then pon lah, so what. SO WHAT. to me, i really did matter. till now, i still can't believe that i had this thought in my mind.

someone told me this "so go do something right now! go for your tuition and study hard, learn something, and you'll make yourself proud!" and it was this that made me decide to hang on.

i was really really tired. tired of everything. my life and all. tthis afternoon was perhaps the worst moment of my life. i struggled. i kept telling myself that i had to hang on hang on. but i just had enough of it.

why do people's life seem so perfect?
yet mine is like screwed, here and there!

i dun understand. dun understand. dun understand.

i tried to be happy.
i tried, but to no avail.
i'm sorry.
i just cant do it.

there were times that i felt like giving up.
but i know i can't.
cos as my mummy and daddy's only child, i have to be the best.
i have to make them proud.
i dun wanna let them down.

all these thoughts have become my responsibility.
at first i thought i could handle them.
very well.
nope i am wrong.
i cant. its too heavy a responsibilty.

it seems that i'm emoing here. i dunno either.
just feeling really horrible.
guess i have to put all my thoughts down.

i played the piano just now.
i kicked and punched my teddy.
but there's no use this time round.

school's starting soon.
in 2 days' time.
and i'm not ready.
i'm not recharged.
i'm not prepared for the new school term.

what on earth is happening?


jolene. 14/02/1994. Aquarius. ~~Da Qiao Primary.~~ Cedar Girls'. 2A'08 Jumps. Bougai. TITONG! jolene_bluesea@hotmail.com LOVES, CEDAR. MY FRIENDS. JUMPS,JUMPERS,JUMPING. J5. RUNNING. SUN. BALLOONS. ARTBOX. SUBWAY. CANDIES. STRAWBERRIES. WANTS, TO GET VERY TANNED. TO have LONGER LEGS. MORE TEDDIES. NEW SPIKES. HAPPINESS. EXCELLENT GRADES. A LEGACY. TO WALK ON THE MOON. Abigail Aonan Ariel Ashley Anisiah Boonhui Candia Candice Chloe Collin Damian DeborahChew DeborahKhoo Felicia Grace Grace Png Guo Chang Hanan Hong Kiat Jia Ni John Julene Justina Joshua Krystal Leena Leng Jen Luoting Melissa Foo Mincong Muquan Natalie Nicholas Samuel Ching Sarah Shao Jie Sherilyn Shermaine Si Jia Sing Yi Su fen Shi Hui Syahirah Varsha Wang Guan Wei Ren Yan Tian Yenter Yin Yue Yuan Jing Yu Hui Yun Yi Yu Shu Yong Han Zen Yee ShinMinNOTDaily 6Rubyohsix Nicenet 2 Amplitude TITONG! December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 Bituwin - Template Dementee -	Saturday, June 21, 2008 TERRIBLE DAY. felt so terrible today. i havent experienced this feeling for a relatively long time. or rather, i had never felt like this before in my entire life. this burning surge in me to escape from all my problems, to put a stop to everything. seriously, what i wanted to do today was totally crazy. i actually wanted to skip tuition classes. yes, i wanted to pon lessons. well maybe to you, it doesn't seem like a great deal. yeah, pon then pon lah, so what. SO WHAT. to me, i really did matter. till now, i still can't believe that i had this thought in my mind. someone told me this "so go do something right now! go for your tuition and study hard, learn something, and you'll make yourself proud!" and it was this that made me decide to hang on. i was really really tired. tired of everything. my life and all. tthis afternoon was perhaps the worst moment of my life. i struggled. i kept telling myself that i had to hang on hang on. but i just had enough of it. why do people's life seem so perfect? yet mine is like screwed, here and there! i dun understand. dun understand. dun understand. i tried to be happy. i tried, but to no avail. i'm sorry. i just cant do it. there were times that i felt like giving up. but i know i can't. cos as my mummy and daddy's only child, i have to be the best. i have to make them proud. i dun wanna let them down. all these thoughts have become my responsibility. at first i thought i could handle them. very well. nope i am wrong. i cant. its too heavy a responsibilty. it seems that i'm emoing here. i dunno either. just feeling really horrible. guess i have to put all my thoughts down. i played the piano just now. i kicked and punched my teddy. but there's no use this time round. school's starting soon. in 2 days' time. and i'm not ready. i'm not recharged. i'm not prepared for the new school term. what on earth is happening? 10:23 PM ·