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Saturday, October 11, 2008

Hey people, relink! :D



Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Woke up at 11, went to make a new passport, then went to raffles city.

Okay i shall blog about yesterday. ((:
In point form,
so here it goes:

1. We went to Luoting's Club.
2. We went to the Arcade.
3. We went to play that whatever car-racing game.
4. I realised that I'm not bad at it. (:
5. We went bowling.
6. I realised that I'm not bad at it too! (:
7. Catherine was the champion of the day.
8. We went to Bugis Junction.
9. We went to Pastamania.
10. I ordered Marinara (as usual) and drank strawberry italian soda.
11. Went to haji lane. Sam and Zhenyi thought it looked like geylang.
12. Went to bras besah, Art Friend.
13. Bought stuff.
14. Went back to Bugis Junction.
15. Shopped around with Catherine for something.
16. Went home :D
17. Dog-tired at the end of the day!

Here are the pictures.


Zhen Yi!



Scores! :D


Gosh, I love this bag damn a lot. (:

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Fuck Fuck Fuck.
You idiot, don't test my patience.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I so don't appreciate a "Passerby's" tag.
If you have the guts to tag, have the guts to put your name down. ((:

Friday, October 3, 2008

as though no one is watching you.
as though you have never been hurt before.
as though no one can hear you.
as though heaven is on earth.

I just realised that this is my 402nd post.
Gosh, it has been so so so long.

It seemed like a long time since we walked down the canteen together.
It seemed like a long time since we talked.
It seemed like a long time since we've hang out together.
Long long time ago.
Well, it doesn't matter that much anymore.
Things cant return to the past, can they?


Exams are over.
Oh, finally.

I've had enough hardcore mugging.
I've had enough staying up till late at night,
getting all those eyebags.
I've had enough of writing pages after pages of notes.
Had enough of all these.
So today, fullstop. Everything ends.

I don't think I did very well for this EOY.
I didn't prepare well enough, too much of last minute work.
Sigh, whatever.
Next week shall be my Dooms' Day.
Wait and see.

Last exam in Cedar.

Sunday, August 31, 2008
Wishing Upon The Stars,

This will be the last entry for the day.
I am not going to blog until next weekend I guess.

Okay so before I go, here's my wishlist.

1. I wish I had more than 24 hours a day.
2. I wish I could have a good sleep.
3. I wish I could go out everyday and not study at all.
4. I wish I had a robot which would help me do my work.
5. I wish I could tear up all the books and worksheets I have.
6. I wish I could disappear from this world.
7. I wish I could fly.
8. I wish I could have you by my side.
9. I wish I could shout out loud at the top of the mountain.
10. I wish I could go to Egypt with Hiok Yeong and the rest.
11. I wish I had the brain of a genius.
12. I wish all my wishes would come true.

Okay that's it.

I need a Break.

I am currently too lazy to type. So I shall type in point form, since I didnt blog for quite a few days. Here are just some updates.

1. Took Piano Prac on Monday, and it sucked.
i) After that went to Mos Burger to say hi to hongkiat and his friends.
ii) Went to MPH, bought magazine.
iii) Went home.

2. Had tomato chowder in school on Wednesday.
i) Both Candia and I agreed that tomato chowder is the best food in school.

5. Damn pissed on Thursday morning. thanks to Petrina Hazel Gomez.
i) Went for combined training with the throwers on Thursday afternoon.
ii) Warm up, leg drills, then ball games.
iii) My team consisted of Melissa, Yenyin, Megan, Jervenne, Zhixuan and I cant remember who.
iv) Played against Beatrice's team. And my dearest lengjen.
v) Took up Mr Seem's challenge- shot 3 continuous 3 point balls. So I earn myself an ice cream.
vi) Went home with Jueying.

6. Teachers' Day celebrations in school.
i) Went back to DaQiao.

7. Saturday was damn boring.

Okay that's about it.
Tomorrow still have to go back to school for Science Extra lessons.
Ahh sian.

Teachers' Day (((:

Okay this shall be a relatively long post.
Went back to Daqiao on Friday, cos it was Teachers' Day.
Yep, saw a lot of people.
Melissa, Yuhui, Joey, Yiyan, Xinyun, Candice, Joelance, Joshua, Guo chang, Jia Rui, Liu Chun, Wei Wei, Qingxuan, Wei Ren, Roysmond, Eva, Wei Lu, De Hui and umm lots. Oh, and Yoongkwei's brother! (:
And not to forget, teachers!

It was kinda awkward when we went back, cause like everything changed a lot. The security guards changed I think. That woman at the school gate was a total bitch, she acted as if she owned the entire school. Urgh.

Yeah so. We went in for a while. And guess what, I found out that PehYewMeng is married?!?! OMG, that sex maniac. Hahha. Okay, he was a really nice Science teacher when I was in Daqiao. Ahem, I mean it seriously. I remember all the jokes that he cracked and his punishments.
"Write me a 300 word essay on why you dilly-dally after assembly and stroll your way up to the classroom!" Then he would use his scary finger to point at you. The he would boast about how well he did in his studies when he was a student.

Mr Foo, Mrs Tan and Mr Wu never change much lah. And Mr Foo reminded me that I owe him a meal. Okay Mr Foo, I promise. (:

Yeah and Wei Ren keep saying that I'm short! Tsk tsk, I am dan sad. LOL. But Wei Ren ah, you also not very tall lah, so sama-sama.

Then we kenna chased out of the school at 2pm. How sad. So some of us gathered at the void deck opposite the school because all of us had nothing to do.
The mentioned above is an act of illegal gathering. So kids, please don't follow us!

Here are some pics:

Things that I've realised:

1. I am the shortest in 6Ruby ))):

2. CJ is the hottest in our class, in my opinion.

3. Jia Rui is a very nice guy.

4. Melissa is taller than Joshua.

5. Liu Chun has shrunk.

6. Joshua is cute! :D

7. Guo Chang is very cute! :D

8. Wei Wei has grown a lot taller.

9. Eva has short hair now.

10. Zi Mo and Toh Hong is still the best pair.

11. Qing Xuan has lost quite a bit of weight.

12. Xinyun and Candice are as close as sisters.

13. Joshua actually has a blog.

Okay thats all! (=

Look forward to next year's Teachers' Day again! I'll miss you guys!

DQPS, the building which once seemed so familiar.

I'm such a bitch.

You know what.
I used to like you damn a lot back when we were Secondary One. When we were table-partners, when we joked everyday, when we pretended to be doing our work when the teacher walked past but actually we were talking non-stop.

But when we came to Secondary Two, things changed. It was no longer the same.
You're always up there while I'm nothing. I'm treated as almost invisible. No matter how hard I try, my existence still didnt seem to matter to anyone. No matter what, I'm always inferior to you. I am no one.

I can't freaking stand this feeling.

Going for French lessons have soon become a torture too, when I couldn't understand a single shit my Monsieur said. But you seem to be enjoying yourself a lot. I mean, that's good for you.
But when you keep talking about French and I understand nothing, do you know how useless I feel? Okay, maybe that's not your problem. That's MY PROBLEM, cause I am stupid and dumb. French is just too hard for me to understand.

When I heard that you're going for Nationals, I am happy for you. That was real. But have you ever thought about me? When you qualified for the Thailand trip, you were ecstatic. You told lotsa people about this, and some, even right in front of my face. People had to ask me why I wasn't going. And all I could do was to force out a smile and say "Cos I'm not up to it." That was practically like slapping myself on the face. Could you imagine how I felt? Yes again, that's MY PROBLEM, not yours, cause you were just sharing the good news with everyone else.

I know you've worked very very very hard. And I admire your perseverance and fighting spirit. But we've all worked hard isn't it? I mean, you deserve a place for the Thailand trip, but what about the rest? Who worked so hard as well. Does that mean that without the talent, the sporting ability, one will be despised by the rest?
Well, okay let's just say that life is unfair.

Do you know how many times I was hurt by what you said? I know that wasnt intentional, but the words still came out of your mouth.

You care about results. Results seem to be everything. You've changed. You weren't so competitive last year. Whenever we get back our results, you'll ask for some people's results, and sometimes even me. I have no idea why you would want to know my results, cause you're always smarter than me, and you always do better than me.

I've told myself many times. That I shouldn't dislike you because of everything mentioned above. It's seriously damn unfair. But I couldn't persuade myself.

As time passes, things change. People change.
I'm not a good friend. Because good friends accept who you are, no matter how much you change.

I know what I say now is useless. But nevertheless, Je suis désolé.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I think I will not use computer so often nowadays.
Cause it's just such a waste of time.

Alright bye people.


I can only see darkness ahead of me.
I haven't got a slightest idea where I am heading towards.
As if I am lost in this forest and I have practically no one to call out to.

Basically to sum up,
I've lost my bearing in life.

I feel so useless nowadays.
I just cant seem to do anything right.
My piano exam was screwed.
Maths results was screwed.
Everything doesnt seem good.

Yet despite of all the unhappiness,
I have to drag myself to school everyday,
And pretend that I'm happy.
I really wish I could stop putting up that strong front.
Cause I am really sick and tired of it.
I want to be ME.
And not someone else.

Perhaps i shouldn't bottle up too much.
Or I might become crazy one day.


Thanks to people who have been standing by me all these while.
If not for your support and encouragement, I'll probably collapse.

Jolene loves you guys forever.

P.S. Singyi I love your hug. (:

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Thank you Roysmond.
Thank you Wei Ren.

I'm Free.

It was hard.
But I did it.

I've learnt that I shouldn't cling on to the past.
I've learnt to look forward to the present.
I've learnt to take care of myself.
I've learnt lots of stuff.

I am glad that I finally loosened my grip.
I am glad that we're still friends.
I am glad for with this decision that I made.

Things will never go back to before.

I'm glad that I stopped myself
before it gets too hard.

I'm free.

I'm tired.
I'm sick.
I need a break.

But there's
20 over more days.
I can't afford to waste any time.

I seriously need miracles.

I need to get rid of everything that has got nothing to do with English, Chinese, Maths, Science, Gego, History and Literature out of my head.

Out out out.
Get out.


When the veil of darkness has draped itself around your life and concealed the tears of your pain and despair, when the destiny you had envisaged has all but faded like water amongst the golden sands of the desert, when you stand alone in your hour of adversity and need and no-one is willing to stand beside you, when the battles within your life are on the verge of defeat and ruin, when you are in exile within your own mind, when your heart is empty and is merely watered by the tears of your agonized and anguished soul.

When you feel like a bird caged behind bars which once flew high above snow capped mountains free and unhindered and now reach out to touch the essence of your dreams, when tears and sorrow have embraced your soul, when the temples of your dreams lie in ashes like the ruins of an ancient age gone by and there are no traces of your footsteps within the valley of your dreams.

When the haunting silence of the darkness hangs like a shadow within the depths of your heart. When you cling like a child to the dreams of yesterday, when the light of dawn refuses to appear and the sun refuses to shine, when each day has become an eternal struggle to survive.

When there is no light amongst the darkness within your existence, when your wounds cry out to be healed, when fear has held courage ransom, when your soul stands in solitude and loneliness choking on its tears of isolation under a moon which no longer smiles and no longer yearns to gaze at his children; the stars, when all those around you have betrayed you, when love has left your heart and refuses to return.

When you no longer believe in yourself, when pain and grief are your constant companions, when there is no vision within the mists of your agony, when no one is willing to listen to and understand you, when peace seems to be in a distant world, when life no longer has the belief to run within your veins, when you have become a fugitive within your own mind and shackled like a slave within your own insanity, refuse with every last drop of sacred blood within your bruised and battered body, to surrender your soul to the pains of your existence.

You must believe in yourself-even if all those around you doubt you and in your ability to rise from within the insanity in which your life now finds itself and to stand tall against the obstacles and challenges within your life-and you will conquer all that you believe cannot be conquered and all that which you believed you had lost within your life.

It is from the darkest hours of our lives, from the depths of our despair and pain and in our greatest hour of adversity that we find an inner strength, an inner courage and an inner meaning so vast that it enables us to rise from our knees and stand tall and fight that which has made us weak.

Just as water runs from a stream, as the oak tree grows strong and upright, as snow-the softest and most peaceful of natures elements-covers the most fierce of mountains and tames its anger portraying it merely as a pawn within the hands of nature so new life and meaning will emerge from your own inner source.

Do not at any cost surrender your life to the weaknesses within your life. Do not surrender your life to the mediocre thoughts of others; do not surrender the belief you hold in yourself and in your abilities, do not surrender the dreams that you have worked so hard to hold within the palms of your hands. For what right do others have to judge another's dreams for they have not walked a mile in your shoes! There are no limits to your courage and determination. The only limitations are those that we place upon ourselves. Our thoughts make the world what we want it to be. Mold your thought into a weapon of immense power.

Wipe away the tears from your heart and let your life be brushed by the fingertips of your immortal soul, breathe deep, with purpose and a deep held conviction. There is an inner strength and an inner peace within us all, which the world cannot penetrate and the hypocrisy and ignorance of the human mind cannot poison. Embrace that inner source of strength and you will become fearless and the obstacles within your life will seem insignificant.

You must be undisturbed and stern in your resolve that you are a creature so versatile and resilient that you cannot be defeated and you must hold firm in the conviction that you will not be defeated. You are a creature of boundless beauty and perseverance. You are a creature which can and which will endure. There is nothing that you cannot achieve and there is nothing that you do not have the ability to overcome within your life. Harness the power of your mind for it is your greatest barrier.

You are an individual of immense courage within the battlefield of life and there is no greater battle than that which will be fought with your own life. You must not, despite the pain, the despair, the grief, the intensity, the loneliness within your life, surrender the very essence of your dignity and hope to the enemy which hovers around you in pursuit of conquering both your mind and your soul.

I do not believe in defeat because defeat does not believe in me. I do not believe in fear for I am fearless. I do not believe in pain for I find strength in the weaknesses of my enemies. Within the mist of your despair and the obstacles and challenges that life presents before you be calm and peaceful. An angry and misguided mind will make decisions and judgment based on haste and anger which in the long run will continue to merely add to your suffering whereas the peaceful mind within that moment of insanity will have the ability to bring forth a clear, reasoned judgment and solution to the challenges at hand.

No one owns you so you have not lost anything. Only you can give away or surrender all that you hold to the challenges within your life. Control your mind from its aimless wandering within your own insanity-guide it to think positively and with purpose. Once you have conquered your mind you will also introduce yourself to an inner peace, which will bring meaning and a freedom to both your life and thought.

Do not kneel before anyone for your knees were not made for such purposes, they were made for the purpose of enabling you to stand upright! Be like an elephant, which once upright will not easily be brought to its knees! Adapt your mind, thinking, actions and life to the challenges, which have surrounded your existence.

You and you alone hold the foundations of your dreams and your destiny in the way you approach the challenges and obstacles within your life. Do not falter in the face of adversity; rise to the challenge however difficult it may be. Your difficulties will only be difficult if you believe them to be difficult. How can you fear that which you have never challenged?

Endure and challenge the pains of your existence for freedom will wait for you and it will eventually embrace you. In defeating the challenges within your life continue to be a good person, do not become like your enemies for to do so will deprive your soul of the peace it desires.

You must be like the seasons of the year ever changing, ever adapting, ever growing, and ever challenging. Nature is always in constant change, the old give way to the new, and this is the course of life. Yet within this existence life continues, it evolves and continues to grow despite its pains.

Your time has not yet come to let nature embrace you in its totality, so go forth into the wilderness of your life and reclaim what mother nature granted you at birth; the right to dream, the right to live and the right to be who you want to be. Challenge with the might of your mind and your inner strength all the barriers that your existence places at the gates of your destiny. If you don't risk anything, you risk even more!

For within the midst of our suffering there is a meaning!

As Carl Jung once commented:"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tear Stains On My Heart.

I must have cried a million tears, since we've been apart.
That must be the reason why, I've got tear stains on my heart.
I pray someday you'll understand, And maybe take me back.
Without your love to keep me straight, I'm a train without a track.
I Love You so much it hurts inside.

I need your guiding hand.
I'm like a sandman trying to work, without a grain of sand.
I'm a wandering spirit in the mist, I'm neither here nor there.
My heart is cold and empty like,
a den without a bear.
If I were a mighty buck, You'd be my only doe.

But now I'm like a single arrow, lost without a bow.
Someday I'm sure I'll get over you,
And I'll have a brand new start.
But I know that time will never wash,
The tear stains from my heart.

French Controle Today.
Was seriously screwed.
I didn't even study for it.
Didn't even flip through my dossiers and textbook.
Wow how great Jolene.
Let's see what kind of results I get. (:

Benedict so poor thing.
Now he's like limping every he goes.
Okay get well soon. (:

And today is probably the first time Misha didn't sleep throught the French Test.

Okay I've got nothing much to say about school.
It okay okay lah.

People, I will try to be HAPPY.


Do you know something?
You're such a bitch.
Bitch Bitch Bitch.
I can't freaking stand you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wake-up Call.

It was raining quite heavily this afternoon.
I walked home without an umbrella.
So I was kinda drenched from head to toe.

As I walked in the rain,
I pondered.
I pondered about questions which kept flooding my mind.

I thought about my life.
I realised that it isnt that sad afterall; at least I have friends by my side, at least I do have some accomplishments, at least I do have goals in life.

I wondered what life would be like for me next year.
I wondered if my decision was the right one.
I wondered about how the future is going to be like for me.
I wondered about almost everything.

The raindrops fell on my back as I walked,
It woke me up from my dreamland.
I realised that I've been living in my dreamland all these while,
so much that I'm not even aware about what's going around me.

It's time to wake up.
It's time to stop fantasizing,
cause it's unrealistic.

Dreams that never come true.

From this moment on,
I will not waste my life away,
by day dreaming everyday.
Instead, I'll put them into actions.
I'll put what I dream into action.

Therefore to sum up, the quote for today is,
"To hope is hopeless."

Rain Rain Rain,
thanks for waking me up.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I'm Tired.

I'm tired, been suffering from insomia the past few nights.
I haven't the slightest idea why is this so. But the only reason I can give myself is that I am thinking too much. I am giving myself damn a lot of stress.

1. Life has practically no meaning to me.
2. Life is all about work.
3. Life is just a daily routine.
4. Life is boring.
5. I am sick of my life.

I guess my existence doesnt really matter to anyone on Earth. Not like if i die, the entire universe will mourn for my death.

I'm seriously sick and tired of living.
I know I shouldn't be saying all these silly stuff. But I guess I can no longer put up a strong front, like what I used to be. I've been hiding and bottling up my feelings too much.
Too much that I am suffocating.

Even if I am dying from stress,
Even if I am unhappy,
Even if I am on the verge of breakdown,
I have to pick myself up.
I have to carry on with my life.

Reason being, I don't want to let anyone down.
And most importantly, I don't want to let myself down.

So no matter how hard life is,
I must not give up.

But yet, sometimes, I ponder and ask myself,
What's the true meaning of life?
Why is it that I am working so hard?
What is it that I am working for?

These questions keep filling my mind every day and night.

Thanks dear xuepiao.
For making me ponder about all this.
For letting me think about what I seriously want in life.
For motivating me to strive hard, for my future.
Love, we'll work hard towards our goals (:
We'll stay strong and be brave.

I'll Let Go.

I thought I understood you.
But I am wrong.
So so wrong.

It came to my realisation that other than your name, your school, your CCA,
I know nothing about you.
Nothing at all.

Perhaps I don't have the rights to know,
And neither do I need to know.
Cos we're just normal friends.

But I guess I have unknowingly fell for you.
I have tried many times, to stop myself from liking you,
but all the attempts were futile.

But now, at this moment, I am determined that no matter what, I'll stop this infatuation.
Cos it isnt fair.
To both me and you.

Though it's going to hurt.
Though it's going to be hard.
I'll learn to let go.
I don't wanna cling on to the past anymore.

It has been 107 days.


Hi Loser.
I hope you wont sue my upon reading this entry! Oops.

Alright. Let me tell you what,
I've been trying to tell myself to like you, or at least not dislike you.
I mean I did try to tell myself that you're actually nice.

But today.
Starting from today, I'm gonna declare that I will never tolerate your attitude anymore.
You're attitude is total crap.
You're so selfish.
So competitive.
Urghhh, I totally can't stand it.

One day, you wait.
Someone will prove to you that your selfish attitude will not bring you anywhere.
At the end of the day, you'll realise that you do not have any friends.
At all.

Seriously get a life man, loser.

Okay I know I'm damn mean. But I guess she deserves it.

Monday, August 18, 2008
Tag Replies.

Okay I realised that I havent been replying to the tags.
So yeah, I am starting from the bottom most tag that I got.

Catherine: HEY jolene! SMILE luh okay:DD
Yes Catherine, smile and be happy.

candia: HEY!
candia: my picture!
Hey Candia, and yes your picture! :D

Hk♫: nah dont die, we all love you (:
LOL. Thanks. I wont die so easily. (:

marie: hi jolene(:
Hello Marie!

Gerald: 1 MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes gerald. And now its over! (:

Yes, he's damn pro. 8 gold medals!

lengjen<3: hey jolene!i've come to tag your blog.haha.
Thanks love (:

jue ying: here's your tag jolene. and your tagboard is pretty much alive (:
Haha, really meh!

John: cheer up (:
Hey! Haha, thanks. :D

lengjen<3: yay!thanks for the blog post:D
You're welcome!

Hk♫'s long long tag:
Yeah I guess so. Thanks, you're a nice friend to have (:

David's tag:
Oh David, you don't anyhow type i tell you. Later your _ _ _ _ _ _ jealous! Tsk. Anyway who the hell tagged my blog ah? And how the hell did he get the url from xj?

grace's tag:
Hello Grace! I miss you! (:

hi: yo!
umm yes hello!

Thats all.
Wah lao there was this person by the name of pop or whatever.
Stop tagging my blog lah you.
You think that I'm some prostitute is it!
Seriously, you're damn horny.
You want prostitutes, go Geylang lah!
Damn a lot waiting for you.

I need to get some sleep.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

How did things end up like that?
I don't wanna lose you.

The Rose.

Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.